In Feng Shui for love, one myth that needs to be dispelled is that love dies away with time.
Female clients of any age, that tell me during Feng Shui consultations that they have been unlucky in love, have one thing in common: they do not understand how love relationships work.
They have formed their ideas of what love should be like from movies, TV shows, romance novels or magazine articles. They tend to make friends with women who have also been “unlucky in love,” and get advice from them.
In the past few months, one of my clients got very close to divorce. She and her husband arrived in separate cars to the lawyer’s office, to sign the papers. As they were ready to walk in, he held her arm and asked, “Is this what you really want?” She had to say, “no.”
They went back to the family home together, painfully aware that the issues that brought them to the brink of divorce were as present as ever.
Finances, Comfort and Logistics!
My client told me, ashamed, that there were 3 major reasons she decided against divorce: finances, comfort and logistics.
If they divorced, their combined income would now have to pay for two homes, two electrical bills, two water bills, etc. This would mean a lot less disposable income for both of them. In her case, it meant picking up more hours at work. Neither of them would be able to afford a home as beautiful and comfortable as the one they were living in. They would have to move to neighborhoods farther from town, that were not as nice. They would require longer commutes to work. Picking up the kids from school, and driving them to their other activities would become much more complicated for the family.
My client felt ashamed because she was letting money matters and practical matters get in the way of her need and desire to experience “true love.” She felt she owed it to herself to give herself the chance to be “happy in love.”
From my perspective, as her Feng Shui consultant, I was happy to see that she was finally understanding how love relationships — and marriages — actually work. Feng Shui for love goes far beyond romantic expectations, because to be happy in love, you need to accept reality.
These Things Matter!
Money and money management are huge parts of what it means to be a couple, so are logistics.
Marriages are eroded and sometimes destroyed by little arguments and pettiness arising from things that many would consider trivial.
These things may include things that need to be done: who takes out the trash, who takes the girls to dance classes, who picks them up from school.
This also includes the things that are not getting done: who is not picking up their dirty clothes from the floor, who is not coming home in time for dinner, who is not picking up their dishes from the table.
Marriage can become tedious over time, but that does not mean that love dies or fades away.
In fact, many couples that divorce are still in love with one another. They separate because they do not know how to live with one another.
Love Does Not Die Over Time
Love does not die over time. Let me demonstrate this to you:
Last year, my cat Pichagui let go of his body. He was 19 years old, pretty old for a cat.
At his prime, he was a 17 lb beauty of bones, muscle and shiny fur, the terror of bunnies and moles, a lean killing machine. He was beautiful, you can see him here:
As he got older, his beauty faded. He lost muscle, he lost weight, his fur was no longer shiny.
The last 4 winters of his life were extremely cold down here in Tennessee, and every winter Pichagui had to deal with younger, stronger cats, who wanted to evict him from our home and take over. We built him a screened porch patio so that he could be outside without having to get into fights.
Some of the cats that were trying to take us over as “owners” were extremely beautiful. They were all younger and stronger than Pichagui, yet, the thought of replacing Pichagui for a younger cat or a kitten never crossed our minds.
It’s the Same with People
The longer you have had a pet, the more you love your pet.
The longer you live with a person, the more you love them! You know this, yet you have let society convince you that “love fades with time” or that you need to go out of your way to “keep love alive”
Love grows on its own, naturally. It is what happens from being together, eating together, sharing movies together, seeing each other every day. The more time you spend with another person, the more attached you become to each other.
This is a rule. Like every rule, it has exceptions. There are 2 exceptions to this rule:
- Love does not grow when there is deceit. This can be as serious as cheating on someone with another person, or as simple as constantly telling small lies, or hiding important things from your loved one.
- Love does not grow when there is abuse. The abuse may be physical, emotional or psychological — wherever there is abuse, love erodes.
In the absence of deceit and abuse LOVE ALWAYS GROWS.
Let Love Grow
Let love grow. One of the most important requirements to let love grow is for both partners in a love relationship to understand that, even though they are not equal, they are equally important. This equality needs to show in the bedroom, by giving both partners equal say and equal levels of comfort.
I have visited many a master bedroom where the wife chose the decor. Her choices were completely dissonant to their spouse, who felt like a guest in his wife’s bedroom.
One woman painted the walls in hot pink, another one decorated everything with lace, Victorian doll-house style. The men felt uncomfortable in their own rooms.
There is one type of clutter that most women fall into when decorating their bedrooms: too many pillows. Husbands complain that the bed is always occupied by a mountain of pillows, and it is a pain to take them off to even take a nap. When husbands remove pillows and throw them on the floor (instead of putting them away where the wife wants them put away for the night) there are arguments. Department and bedding stores fill up the beds with pillows to make them look full, as this increases sales. What looks good in a sales room is not always good at home.