I have shared with you in the past about my issues with self esteem, and how I deal with it. You can find the article here.
What I want to share with you today, is how reading about Marilyn Monroe, Brooke Shields and Shakira helped me understand myself better. These three famous women, all considered amazing beauties in their time, not only had issues with low self esteem, but their feelings of unworthiness were often based on their physical appearance — they perceived themselves as being plain or ugly, even when the whole world was telling them otherwise. Shakira, whose beauty is celebrated all around the world, had to talk to a therapist for years in order to become content with her looks.
When I read about these celebrities and realized how “off” their own perceptions of themselves where when compared with the perceptions of the world at large, I asked myself, “What if I am doing something similar?” Could there be a chance that perhaps I wasn’t as plain looking as I thought myself to be? (I had been looking into these issues as part of my internal Feng Shui practice. Do you have an internal Feng Shui practice, by the way?)
I remember, as early as kindergarten that my father, during lunch or dinner, would go over all the features in my body, from head to toe, and tell me what was wrong with each, using derogatory terms. As a child, I thought I was able to shield myself from his insults, by contradicting him in my mind, “That is a lie; that is not true; everyone else says the opposite.”
It didn’t work. I grew up thinking I was homely, and I didn’t think that was a big deal, because I did not consider that physical appearance was that important after all. (Later on, I would understand that the degree of happiness that we have with our personal appearance is part of our internal Feng Shui.)
At a conscious level I told myself that since I was less than average looking, I should compensate with excellent grooming. If a head turned when I walked down the street, I checked to see if my clothes were in the right place or dirty. If an attractive guy showed interest in me, I concluded it was my powerful personality that attracted him. When other girls made hateful comments about my looks, I thought they must be right.
An Unexpected Realization
I always knew I had issues around my looks, but I never knew how deep they ran until I got an Akashic Records Reading with life coach Stephana Johnson.
When I woke up the next morning, after the reading, I had this realization: although consciously I saw myself as “less than average,” unconsciously I thought I was hideous. I realized that all these years, there was an underlying unconscious belief that I was hard to look at, and that people must be stopping themselves from cringing to be polite. My inner child had, after all, believed my father. I had gone through life for decades, deeply convinced that I was hard to look at, even offensive to look at, and that I had to do everything in my power to improve my looks, in order to not offend others when they looked at me.
An Even Deeper Realization
True healing causes chain reactions. Many more realizations came to me in the months to follow, including finding out that I hadn’t just been seeing myself as physically hideous, but also as spiritually ugly, feeling no one would want to hang out with me other than for the reason that I carry with me essential Feng Shui knowledge.
This realization came just as I was designing the Feng Shui Best Buddies Club, with its first program, the Feng Shui Manifesting Course, which is based on weekly video hangouts using Google+. There I was, getting ready to invite people to hang out with me for an hour every week, while at a deep unconscious level, I believed no one would want to hang out with me!
What impressed me about Stephana’a Akashic Records Reading, is that it brought to the surface that which many other healing modalities that I had used had missed, and which was critical to my healing and to my ability to promote my Feng Shui work.
I met for coffee with life coach Stephana Johnson to talk about the Akashic Records, what they are, how they are accessed, and what kind of valuable information they can give a person during a reading. (I have had 3 readings with Stephana, and they were all fantastic!)